[SATIRE] New Max GPA is 5.0

Story by Andrew Prozorov, Copy Editor

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New Max GPA is 5.0

Are you the best student you can be? Do you do all of your assignments and disregard other distractions like going to parties and having a life to maintain that perfect grade? Well, here’s news for students like you. The new maximum GPA that students can get is a 5.0, as opposed to the old 4.0. The reasoning for this is that the School Board of Palm Beach County thinks that kids have it too easy these days to get a 4.0. With easy FLVS courses, students can boost their grade easier than ever.

“I’m really glad they’re raising the bar on students,” said junior Patrick Lyons. “I think students need a bit more of a challenge in their high school career to get them ready for real life.”

School is meant to challenge young minds. This is the mantra that’s been ironed into our malleable brains since elementary school. Therefore, it’s a good idea to raise the bar on what a “perfect score” is. This way, kids won’t be able to boost their grades with, essentially, free credits from FLVS courses. Students will now have the option to take more than seven classes so as to increase their GPA.

So, starting next school year, the maximum GPA will be elevated to a 5.0. Grades will weigh the same amount though, so as to keep everyone at an equal footing and so the smart, goody-two shoes won’t just stay at the top. A modern philosopher said, “Started from the bottom, now we here,” and it seems Florida Schooling is channeling this message to further produce excellent students.

 

 

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