[SATIRE] Boys’ dress code to be implemented at Boca High

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Story by Audrey Warne, Opinion Page Editor

As I’m sure you are all aware, we have a dress code problem here at Boca High. For a school that prides itself on its academic and athletic prowess (we are the best school north of the South Pole, after all), we have a seeming lack of professionalism when it comes to our appearance here at school. It is one thing to dress like some sort of Lothario on the weekends or at social events, but when one is at school, a certain level of respectability must be enforced. The biggest culprits are shorts, tank tops, and, worst of all, those insufferable “fern” socks.

The most obvious ramification is the propensity for these clothes to detract from the learning environment by providing a distraction to fellow students – especially for females. How can one possibly be expected to pay attention to schoolwork when there is a boy in a low-cut tank top revealing his shoulders and back only two seats away? The complete disregard for the effects of this sort of dress on the opposite sex is appalling. Boys are allowed to prance about with their shoulders, backs, and thighs completely exposed, without any regard for the distraction they provide to fellow (mostly female) students.

Girls can’t be expected to control their behavior. They are only teenagers, ruled solely by their raging hormones, which leaves the responsibility for creating a more professional learning environment on the boys who are providing the distraction. I propose we enforce a new dress code in order to address the problem – boys should no longer be allowed to wear any garment that reveals their thighs, backs, shoulders, or chest. The enforcement of this new code will not only create a more mature, real-world environment for these students, but also remedy the issue of girls’ falling test scores and grade-point averages. After all, in the real-world, adults never wear revealing clothes or are expected to take responsibility for their behavior toward members of the opposite sex.

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